This Chick Is Toast

"They don't have Melba Toast," said the 40-something year old lady standing in front of me at the $0.99 Store. "I've tried Albertson's, Ralph's, Pavillions. THEY don't even have it. He likes to cook up white fish, mix it up with some mayonnaise and serve on ." She waited for my response kind of like a 4th Grade Teacher waiting for a class to answer the question "What is 2 + 2?". I lean in a little bit and respond "melba toast" as I nod my head in agreement and as if I have had that dish many times at her house.

I couldn't really tell who the "he" she was talking about, but I'm going to assume it was her husband. I was taken aback more from the Melba Toast reference as I haven't really thought of that stuff since my sister Val was teething. She was kind of a combination of Meredith from "The Office" and The Target Lady from SNL. She kept leaving and coming back with random items. She made three separate trips and came back with the following items: Onions (4), Salsa and a felt poster with five markers. She even made a comment about her mini-excursions claiming that if they didn't go quicker, she'll end up with another basket full of stuff. For some odd reason, I believed her.

While she was paying, she got a phone call. "I'm paying for stuff at the 99." Not the $0.99 Store, not the Store, the "99." She was kind of loud and was telling the other person that "Joe can handle getting mom dinner." After she got off the phone, she was explaining that her friend's dad had an aneurysm but was "coming back into this body. We thought he was just gonna be a shell but now he's responding." I told her that's great and thank God for small miracles. She then went into how he was responding. "He does this." She blinks once and says, "Once for yes and two for no!" I told her that is awesome and hopefully he'll continue getting better little by little. She also informed me that she had to get more socks because "he took off with my socks!" Again, wasn't sure who the "he" was but I then wondered if I would be adding the "ex" prefix to my previous guess. She finished paying, looked at me as she was grabbing her bags and said, "You have a great day and thanks for chatting!"

When I thought about it, I thought that I really didn't talk that much at all. Everyone has a story that they wanna tell. Everyone wants to be heard. I guess for those 10 minutes, I was that person for this woman. I don't know anything about her personal life or where she comes from or even her NAME. However, maybe I helped her feel a little better because someone was willing to listen to her. When I look back on it, she was very friendly and in all honesty, it made the line go quicker! Hope she gets home safely and is able to enjoy her new socks, her salsa and hope that she finds that melba toast!

Happy Hour List

I was talking with a friend the other day and we were trying to think of a list of celebrities that we felt would be great at a Happy Hour with the following conditions: it's a private room, open bar and there is no paparazzi.

The question became, who would we invite. I came up with the following immediate list:
Seth Rogan
John Mayer
Drew Barrymore
Cameron Diaz
Paul Rudd
Jason Segal
Mike Birbiglia

To spice it up and make it crazy, I'd invite the following people to join after Happy Hour:
New York (from "Flava of Love")
Wee-Man
Vince Vaughn

These people I would NOT invite:
Tatiana from this season of American Idol
Zac Efron (why is he famous?)
Paris Hilton (why is she famous?)
Perez Hilton

The criteria was that the person was judged on their on-screen persona and if we felt it was carried over into their real lives (i.e. are they really that cool or not). Also, how much we thought they could drink and the vibe that they would contribute or take away from the event.